Just Arsenal News

If you are a Tottenham supporter i’m sorry (No you’re not! – Ed.).

I’m bored, so with no news about, i just thought i’d make up a little collection of Tottenham jokes to cheer up the Arsenal fans on the net.

Friday night is usually quiet, so let’s liven it up a bit. I have picked out only the funniest ones i could find. Enjoy!
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“I met this really kinky girl last night. ‘Humiliate me,’ she said … So I bought her a Tottenham shirt!”
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A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. “What about your parents?” asks the social worker. “No, they beat me,” says the boy. “What about your grandparents?” says the social worker. “No, they beat me even harder!” says the boy. “Well … where do you want to stay then?” replies the social worker. “Tottenham,” says the boy. “They don’t beat anyone.
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Many moons ago when I was at school, two of my mates were Spurs supporters. They would go to White Hart Lane and wait for about ten minutes after kick off and climb over the wall. One Saturday a policeman caught them and he made them go back in and watch the rest of the game!
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A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment.
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A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, “Liverpool 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1,” reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.

Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, “Oh, no, not again.”

The shocked landlord says, “That’s amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?”

“Because he’s a Spurs supporter,” the dog’s owner replies.

The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only had him three years.”
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I was up at Spurs and decided to get a cup of tea from the burger van, i asked the guy if he could rustle me up a cup or a mug, and he replied…… “Sorry mate no cups, they’re all at Arsenal, and the mugs are on the pitch!!
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A tourist is in North London one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon.

“Well,” replies the man, “the Arsenal ground is very close but they’re playing away today. If you feel you really must see a match, the Tottenham ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you’ll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue.

You should go to the small queue because the big one is for the fish and chip shop.
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I went to White Hart Lane yesterday, and noticed how green and lovely their pitch was. So i summoned over the groundsman and asked him what his secret was, his reply was:

“Well i do nothing, just every Saturday afternoon we put £100m worth of sh-t over the pitch and it works wonders”
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I was in the White Hart Lane shop the other day, and I saw a sign that said “Spurs: The Glory Years…£200″ I said to the woman behind the counter,

“Bloody hell that’s a bit steep, how do you get away with charging that?”

She looks at me and says, “Well it’s £5 for the video..”

…

“And £195 for the Betamax player!”
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Q. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of Tottenham players on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you have when Tottenham fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. You’re locked in a room with a lion, a crocodile, and a Yid.
You have a gun with 2 bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the Spurs Fan – twice.

Q. Why do Tottenham fans plant potatoes round the edge of their gardens?
A. So they have something to lift at the end of the season!

Q. A car full of Tottenham fans drive over a cliff! Why is that bad?
A. You can only fit 7 in a car.